I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this beer tastes like vomit already
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
