I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
