Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
