sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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