Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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