this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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