So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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