I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
