Your tits are I can't wait for
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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