I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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