I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
