In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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