He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
