If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
