OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
