pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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