i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
