i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
