dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
