fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
