You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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