I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
