I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
