Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
there is glitter all over my balls
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
