I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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