you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
