I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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