drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Someone came in the potted fern
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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