Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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