It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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