listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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