Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
