Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
