So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
