My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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