Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
