I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
