I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Couch. On fire.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
