No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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