does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
