My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
