just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
