I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
