Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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