i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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