if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
