And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
