She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
