Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
