someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
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Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize