Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize