he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
