then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
