theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
