Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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