We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
