I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
