Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
