she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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