I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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