He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
