Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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