I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
