8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library