i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Come see our sink grown plant.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Randomize
