hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today