i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.