According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...