i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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