Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
