I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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