oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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