If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
