a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
