Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
