Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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