why do cheetos always look like penises
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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