I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
