Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
