Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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