You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
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Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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