he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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