The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
