I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
