so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I will be naked everywhere
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
