Where is the hickey?
I can text with my tongue
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
