I'm going to jail i love you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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