I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
