ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
